Welcome to Wednesday.  Today I have added to my list another reason why people suck.

I have said over and over again that I really don’t care what people think of me…and I don’t.  No matter how much a person tries, they are never going to live up to everyone’s expectations and ideals.  There is always going to be someone somewhere who is always going to judge you based on something.  It might be something you can control, like the way you dress, or it might be something you can’t control like the color of your skin.  What is important is that you are happy with who you are.  After years of trying to make other people happy, of trying to live up to other peoples expectations and not meeting them and getting burned in the process, and being miserable I am more concerned with being myself, not who other people think I should be.  I am finally at peace and happy with who I am.

That brings me to now.  I have a built in distrust of people that comes from being stabbed in the back and hurt more than once by people who have claimed to be my friends.  This, as well as the drama that seems to come with a lot of people, has kept me from making friends, either in real life or in the world of cyberspace.   I don’t have the time or energy for drama…and yet it decided to come and find me.

There is something in the Sims Community that I want to be apart of and now I may not be able to because there are assholes in the world.  There is this blog will from here on out be known as TMN.  I am not going to link to it because it’s not worth a link.  The entire purpose of this blog is to gossip and cut down members of the Sims Community.   TMZ shows more class.  TMN is very juvenile.  The first blog entry that I read on the site pokes fun of someone who felt ignored on the Sims 3 forums.  In a world as vast as the internet everyone at some point has felt ignored in their online communities or message groups.  That feeling prevents a lot of people from contributing.  It’s like being at a party where you know everyone but you don’t belong to any of the cliques and end up spending the entire party on the couch alone wondering why you were invited and what possessed you to show up.  It causes a feeling of alienation.  There was nothing wrong with this girl speaking up for herself and saying that she was being made to feel left out.  However, speaking up for herself did nothing but paint a target on her head that said to whoever runs TMN to make fun of her.

How 8th grade.  Seriously.

Have people seriously forgotten that behind every computer monitor and keyboard is a real person with real feelings?  That is the number one reason I hate the internet.  It turns what might normally be  reasonable and rational people into assholes. Just because you don’t have to look someone in the eye when you say something via the net, that gives some people the A Ticket to talk to others in ways they wouldn’t if they had to say something to someones face.

Until today I didn’t know about TMN.  It was brought to my attention by someone who is apart of this thing I want to be part of because TMN decided to make me one of their targets.

I have never hid what I do, nor have I made a big deal about.  I don’t normally talk about my media work with the adult industry unless someone asks.  Yea, I probably screwed up and didn’t take on a pen name back when I had the chance.  It’s too late to go back and change that now.  I am not doing anything illegal or that I am ashamed of however I do know that there are people who might have a problem with it.  I have also been of the opinion if people are going to judge me based on  what I do without getting to know me, then they can bite me.

Here’s where I have my problem.  It’s not so much that someone decided to take a swing at me on TMN.  I could really care less.  If that person wants to make snap decisions on someone based on their Associated Content profile, I am going to make snap decisions on that person based on three blog posts.  The person who runs TMN is judgmental, narrow-minded,  juvenile and has some self-esteem issues that they have to tear others down in order to feel better about themselves.  That person is also a coward, since comments are closed on the site preventing people from responding.  Oh, and TMN contributes NOTHING of quality to the Sims Community.

As I was saying, I don’t have a problem with someone taking a swing at me.  I don’t care that someone took my words and put their own spin on it.  It’s not the first time for either and it won’t be the last.  What I have a problem with is the person who read that drivel, knowing what the site is, and then changing their opinion of me.  Well, maybe not changing their opinion so much as rethinking it.  I am told that it’s not what was said on TMN that is an issue, but what I do.  I am having a hard time believing that.  The person of concern couldn’t even come to me personally with the issue.  It had to be taken to the committee of this thing that I want to do and a huge deal had to be made of it.  It’s now a potential problem because it might reflect badly on this thing I want to do if people found out.  Thing is, no one would have known if TMN didn’t decide to take a swing at me and if someone else didn’t feel the need to visit a gossip site just to see who was being made fun of today.  Now, granted, anyone could gain the information from looking at my Associated Content profile or Googling my name, it’s just that no one did or no one cared until TMN decided to write about me.

So, my work life is interfering with my hobby.  How backwards is that?  I really can’t do anything right.

Ironically, I made the comment the other day that I am not popular enough in The Sims Community to garner any kind of attention.  That will teach me not to open my mouth.

Now, to address what TMN said about me.  I should be pissed that I was called a hypocrite for being a sex blogger, taking classes in human sexuality and writing adult movie reviews while preaching against pornography in the Sims 3 forum.  Oddly I am not.  More than anything I feel sorry for the person over at TMN for being the pitiful person that he or she is.  Everyone in the adult industry from the performers and directors to those in adult media are concerned, probably more so than the general population, about keeping adult content away from minors.  There are many things in this world that are for adults only. Minors aren’t allowed to drink until they are 21, they aren’t allowed to vote, they aren’t allowed to sign legal documents, and they aren’t legally allowed to do a variety of other things include having access to adult content.  What I want to know is how working in adult media and trying to bring to the attention of the general populace the fact that there are trolls on the Sims 3 forum, where kids as young as 10 frequent, who are posting x-rated content, and that EA Games isn’t actively doing enough to combat it make me a hypocrite?  Seriously?  Whatever.

I have wasted enough energy on this…energy I really don’t have and need to conserve because tomorrow is errand day.  That means three days worth of sleeping with bouts of wakefulness scattered in there.  What is the opposite of a nap anyway?

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