I really want to start a blog or website called “Shit Overheard at the Mall”.  It’s not that I go to the mall all that often but you have to admit, it’s a cool name for a blog.  I can’t go into a store without hearing something odd or seeing something odd.  If I could draw I would turn it into a web comic.  Now you can bet that someone is going to steal my idea.

That idea came from something I overheard while at the mall where this guy was telling his friends about a girl and all I heard was “It was the most beautiful haircut ever but it looked like hell on her.”  How does that work exactly?  Inquiring minds want to know.  I know not everyone can pull off every hair style but something about that wording seems kind of off.

Moving on.   Saturday we were out and about and we had to stop at Target.  After picking out Christmas Cards and getting icicles and snowflakes covered in fairy herpes (glitter) for the tree we headed over to bath for a washcloth.  On the way we had to pass the boys department. In the boys department there were three guys looking for footed pajamas.  My original thought was, since they were probably college guys, was someone was shopping for a little brother.  That assumption was shot out of the water in record time as it became painfully obvious that the one guy was looking for pajamas for himself…with feet…in the BOYS department.

I turned to my daughter and asked rhetorically, “Why are there grown men in the boys department trying to find footed pajamas?”  I really hoped that she might have some off the wall reasoning.  There was none as she just shrugged at me and my husband was making the “Ohmygodgetmethehelloutofhereawayfromthefreaks” face.

Fast forward to checkout.  As the last thing was being run up these three guys walked passed us…the one wearing his footed pajamas over his clothes and shoes.  I started laughing – it was almost a ROFL – and said “Glad he found something.”  The guys heard me and my daughter laughing and turned around and the dude in the jammies was laughing.  I gave him the thumbs up sign.  What other response was there?  I proceeded to explain to the cashier, who had no idea what was going on, what was going on.    My daughter pointed out that she watched him pay for the pajamas (they were gray fleece camouflage), remove the tags, and put them on while walking without tripping or missing a step.  Impressive!  Not only is he rather coordinated but he’s not afraid to look like an ass in public.  Kudos to pajama guy.

Then it was on to CVS to pick up prescriptions.

Here’s what you need to imagine: an older guy (he probably seemed older than he was because of the stick up the ass attitude he was projecting) sitting on one of the chairs in the waiting area, a line of about five people including a large black woman talking loudly on her cell phone.  Her two teenage daughters were over at the vaccine chair, the one who was sitting in it was wearing a cheerleader outfit.  She had to be around 15 and was laughing her ass off playing with a Sing-a-ma-jig.  Oh yes, these are fun things to play with.  I have one on my desk that was sent to me by my good friend, the creator of the toy, right after my hysterectomy as a get well present.  With over a dozen stitches in my stomach it hurt like hell to laugh while playing with it but it was still appreciated and awesome to play with.  Everyone who comes over plays with it.  It’s just a fun toy (it’s also on the must have holiday toy list – Congrats Steve!).

So, there is a teenager playing with a Sing-a-ma-jig and her sister, who is either a couple years older or younger, can’t tell, could have been her friend, is trying to take it from her because it’s weird and the singing is making her crazy and she wants to play with it.  The cheerleader asks her mom for one.  Actually she tells her that she “has to have one”.    It’s at this point that I go over and tell the girls that I know the guy who created them and the woman running the cash register at the pharmacy acted like I knew some sort of celebrity.  The girl’s mom puts her phone down long enough to tell her that she’s not getting a sing-a-ma-jig because it’s going to make her insane.  That is what toys that make noise do.  They have done that to parents since our kids were babies.   Who wants quiet toys?

So, the second girl goes and finds a second Sing-a-ma-jig to play with.  And here my husband thinks me and my kids are insane for playing with these things in public every chance we get.  Now there are two Sing-a-ma-jigs singing and lots of giggling.  When the mom gets done at the pharmacy the girls start chasing her through the store with them.  If they didn’t get them that day I hope they find them under the Christmas tree.

Through all the Sing-a-ma-jig party and giggling this dude who was trying to talk on his cell phone is getting pissed.  He doesn’t say anything but he is obviously annoyed because people are making noise and playing with toys and being inconsiderate to him.  Can’t we all see he’s on his cell phone?  Yea, but you know what, we don’t care.  This is a public place, and for the record the pharmacy area of this particular CVS is NEVER quite.  It’s a place that rates up there with the DMV of places you don’t want to have to spend time because it’s always busy and the pharmacy workers are unorganized.  Expecting this place to be quite is like expecting Adam Lambert to go straight, the Cleveland Browns to win a Superbowl or M. Shadows of Avenged Sevenfold to go through laser removal for his tattoos.  It’s not going to happen.  The hottest pits of Hell will freeze over first.

I don’t understand people, who while in public and talking on their cell phones, expect quite and privacy.  You aren’t going to get either in a store and you have to have a certain amount of exaggerated self-importance to expect every shopper to accommodate your cell phone requirements.

So, while the rest of us were making the best of being stuck in CVS and having a good time this dude was ready to have an aneurysm and giving us all the look of death.  He obviously doesn’t understand the appeal and awesomeness of Sing-a-ma-jigs.  I hope Santa brings him a sense of humor and better attitude for Christmas.

Advertisements