I started two write this post last night and it sounded like a huge whine-fest so I deleted it.  Then, ironically, I found this on Post Secret today.

All I can say is: No, I won’t talk to you again…ever.  I will not forgive you for the pain you caused me and my family.

I don’t know why, but I seen to attract a certain kind of person.  I don’t actively go looking for these people, they just seem to find me and try to insert themselves into my life.  The more I fight against these people the more hell bent they are to force themselves on me.  Why do people have to be like that?

Now, I will admit that I tend to attract attention at every turn.  Even places I don’t expect to attract attention, like the Uproar Music Festival, I do.  It’s the hair.  The thing is, very few people take any time to get to know me.  I look “different” so people make their snap decisions and go about their life.

My “friends” are a different story because of the passive-aggressive personalities that I attract.  With very few exceptions,  I am the one that everyone comes to with their problems.  I am expected to listen and give advice.  I am not sure why this is, if it’s because I am a good listener or because I am brutally honest.  However, the second I need someone to talk to, which isn’t very often, I tend to handle most things on my own, no one has the time for me.  If, by some odd reason they do decide to make the time, it’s to be very judgmental and tell me that I am doing things wrong and need “help” or “intervention”.  The people who say they are accepting of everyone and their differences and how they do things instantly become hypocrites.  I am not sure they even realize it.  Most people don’t realize they are hypocrites and deny it when it’s pointed out to them.  These people try to change me, change how I do things, and they will go out of their way and to extremes to do it.  Then they have the gall to wonder why I won’t talk to them again and act hurt and swear they did nothing wrong.

  • Attempting to force someone to bend to your will and your version of what is right is wrong.
  • Attempting to force someone to be just like you and do things your way is wrong.
  • Harassing someone because they are different than you is wrong.
  • When someone won’t do what you want them to and they tell you to mind your own business, going to their husband and laying down ultimatums is wrong.  In fact, it borders on blackmail.
  • Telling someone how to live their life is wrong.

Yes, I have been through all of this.

I have been harassed because I have more than 2.4 children.  I have been told that I shouldn’t have had so many children.  I have been told that I shouldn’t have sex with my husband because I keep getting pregnant (just as a side note, we have not been on public assistance since those first 6 months after my husband was put out of the military on a medical discharge 12 years ago).  I have been told I should have had abortions.   I have been told I should homeschool a certain way.  In fact, I had someone try to force me to homeschool that particular way.  I have been told that my daughter with Asperger’s Syndrome should be institutionalized despite her doctors telling me that she wasn’t autistic enough to qualify for even the most basic of medical interventions.  I have been told I should feed my children foods that they are allergic to “to build their tolerance to them” even if it makes them sick or requires an epi-pen and hospital trip.  I have been accused of neglecting my children’s medical needs despite being able to produce a combined medical record that is thicker than War and Peace.  The list goes on.

Is it any wonder I have people issues?  These things came from people who knew me and considered themselves my “friends”.   Friends who tell me that I can come to them with my problems and then tell me they don’t have time for me.  Friends that when they do decide to listen to me act like I am the biggest inconvenience to their life.

With friends like this…

And life goes on.

I have come to the realization that people have become very self-centered.  You walk into a grocery store and everyone is in a rush to get their shopping done where they can go on to whatever thing is next on their list of things of utmost importance.  I walk with a cane because of the damage that scoliosis has done to my right hip.  Sometimes the pain is so bad I need to use those motorized carts but they are not always available because someone who doesn’t need them is using them to transport their children through the store on or something else totally unnecessary.  Granted, there have been the few times that I have gone to the store and every handicapped parking space is occupied and every motorized cart is in use legitimately.  However, this isn’t the norm.  So I end up walking through the store somewhat slowly with my cane because every step hurts and I don’t know when my body is just going to decide it can’t move on it’s own anymore (it’s happened) and everyone in the store acts like I am inconveniencing them.  They run into me, they cut me off, their children try to trip me, they get between me and my husband where I can’t get to him and he can’t get to me if I have a problem, even after saying “excuse me” as nicely as possible they will continue to block isles all because they are too busy, to self-important to show a little bit of courtesy.

Now my otherwise healthy daughter is in a wheelchair and the doctors don’t know why.  On the way back from doctors appointments she’s been in the store with us and people will look at her with pity (something I know irritates her) and will proceed to walk in front of her moving wheelchair and stop.

Internet friends are even worse in many ways.  Things on the net change so quickly that no one gives a second thought to someone disappearing.  People come and go and that’s the way it is.  You find someone new to interact with.  I mentioned to people that I was going to be having major surgery.  At no point did anyone  email me to see how it went or how I was.  Out of stress and needing someone to talk to I also let people know that my daughter was now stuck in a wheelchair and the doctors didn’t know why.  The acknowledgment has been almost non-existent and to add insult to injury on Facebook, a “friend” of mine had to use that moment and that note to pull one of her “It’s all about me and I have to be the center of attention” things.  I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.  I have always known she is like this.

Still, it’s all trying and people are too much work.  I no longer have the patience or energy for any of this stuff.  I am tired of trying to make friends and to make relationships work.  I am so tired of one sided relationships.

I am sure that all the instant self-gratification that we have gotten used to in our electronic age is to blame for basic consideration being bred out of the human race.  Politeness isn’t mandatory anymore, it’s optional.  Never before in my life have I seen so much self-centeredness.  It all makes me very sad just not for myself but for humanity in general.

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